Ways to Approach Women Properly

In this article, I will be talking about how men should approach women. I have taken multiple things into consideration and I will be speaking on certain points that might help other men out.

 Before I started writing this I asked 25 different women about their experiences on online dating. Surprisingly, all of them said they hated it. The age range of these women ranged from 21-57 - I figured 21 would be a nice age to ask since it’s the legal age to get into club/bars.

I asked all of them the same questions: "Have you ever dated online? Do you prefer it to dating IRL? Would you rather have a dude slide into your DMs or approach you in person?" Every one of them told me they would rather a man talk to them in person as opposed to online. It seemed strange to me that everyone is on some sort of online dating site. But to be honest I have never tried and or attempted it myself. I feel that guys are at a disadvantage in that situation. Things can often be taken out of context when the tone of voice or the way something is said can’t be heard only read.

I came up with a few ideas that might help men approach women the way that would make them feel more comfortable without pressure. So here we go:

The first and most important thing is preparation for the night - it starts with your shower. Nothing can boost your confidence more than having a hot steamy shower. The things I have learned throughout the years is that a lavender body wash helps keep your skin moisturized while also accenting your cologne for up to 12 hours. What also helps is to use a moisturizing lotion after your shower. Don’t be afraid to use a deodorant that might not be for men, they have some that don’t smell super feminine and sometimes have better protection than a men’s does. Do not overdo the cologne. You only need one MAYBE two squirts of it for it to have an effect.

Next comes your clothing choices. A good confidence booster is to choose clothing that’s clean, fits your body properly, and will express your individuality. Some ideas could be jeans and a simple tee shirt with a pair of flashy kicks or a button up with a pair of glasses (even fake ones) to make you look educated. Don’t overdo it with jewelry or hair gel/hairspray.

The next thing is to take the time to educate yourself on what women might like to talk about, yes not all women are alike, so make sure you are listening to her more than you are speaking about yourself. It helps you not look like an asshole and she will appreciate it, trust me. Speak to her as you would want someone to talk to your grandma, mama, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, or any other valuable lady in your life. If you have no respect for women, then you either need to get a handle on that or you need to just not date at all.

Work on your manners, they are very important in a situation where you are approaching a woman in a public setting. Do not, I repeat do not approach her in a dark parking lot whether she is with friends or not. Under no circumstance will she want to get to know you then. Back to manners, “please” and “thank you” are important - “excuse me” goes a long way, especially if you might accidentally or even on purpose interrupt a conversation she is having with her people. Opening doors for her is significant, but make sure you didn’t just follow her to the bathroom and open that door for her, cause that is just plain creepy. Another thing to think about is not touching her in any fashion unless she initiates with the first touch. But, keep your shit PG until she has made it known she would like it to go further and BY GOD if she shoves you away or says “no” or “stop” or anything like that back the fuck off right then and there no matter how you feel about it. Do not shame her for this either, she is just following how she is feeling at that moment. If she handles it poorly and starts talking shit then just turn and walk away calmly, do not at all get into a confrontation with her or anyone she is with.

Compliment her. BUT do not use words like hot, pretty, sexy or anything like that. Use words like beautiful and breathtaking by all means please don’t overuse any terms, because then it starts to borderline creepy and fake. Once you’ve had a bit of time talking to her, you can use terms like smart and kind. Most women like to her nice things but when you use them too much it doesn’t have the same effect. But, make sure you are finding ways to compliment her still.

Posture can go a long way. Stand up straight and walk like you have confidence even if you don’t. The majority of women I know like a man who is put together no matter what the pieces are.

If you can dance, you can use it to your advantage. The most complaints I have heard is when a guy walks behind a woman and then swings their hips in unison. Yes, this seems to be a go-to move to keep a woman close. But, after that song, there definitely has to be some kind of switch up in the movements. Most of the time she will send her friends the distress signal and it will be game over from there. You do not have to be able to dance to still have some fun though. One of my female friends said to me that sometimes when a guy just gets out there is having a good time and it shows, then how he dances doesn’t matter.

A sense of humor can go a long way too. Make sure not to spend the whole time cracking jokes - having moments of seriousness is important too. You want her to know you can be funny because humor is important, but women enjoy a man who can speak on things that are more important - maybe not politics or religion but other things like books you’ve read (a lot of women like a man who is well-read), hobbies/interests (especially if they are the same as her), and so many other things.

In the case that a one-night stand happens (make sure she isn’t drunk and she has said yes) you need to be aware at all times. Also, consider her friends - you don’t want her to ditch her friends so make sure you let them know where you will be just in case they need her or she needs them. Do not drink a lot yourself either. Make sure you are reading her body language and also what she is saying even once the act has started if she says no then stop right then and there and do not do anything else at all. Be honest. Talk about what will happen after the act, if all you want is a one night stand, tell her - be as upfront as possible. If you are looking to try for more, you might not go for sex the first night. Try to not take her back to your place or go back to her place - there are so many things that can happen if you know where she lives or she knows where you live. Look into getting a hotel room. Bring your A game to the bedroom always, but don’t overdo it either. You don’t want to show out but you do want to make sure it is pleasurable. Take care of her first, always. Women want to feel important, even in a one night stand.One of the most important details of any sexual encounter is USE PROTECTION always. Birth control does not keep you from getting STDs and is only about 70% effective against pregnancy. I will say this very slowly… the… pull… out… method… does… not… work!  Lastly, expect her to sleep there that night too, if she doesn’t that’s fine too (pay for her cab) but still expect it. If she does stay make sure you pay for her breakfast or order room service. There is nothing wrong with being a gentleman when it is one night stand, you always want the woman to feel comfortable and safe.

At the end of the night or the next morning, exchange numbers if that is something you both want to do. If you have been honest with her then she won’t expect a number if it was a one night stand but if you’ve discussed friends with benefits, just friends, or dating then a number exchange is good and make sure you follow up with her within 24 hours. In text, say something witty (but not pretentious) as soon as you are not in the same place just so she knows you are still thinking about your encounter but do not text her over and over until she answers. Just give her time to get back to you. If you call her give her time to get home and cleaned up after being out all night and into the morning or if you didn’t hook up then call her the next day around noon just in case she sleeps in.

In closing, act right - use your manners; do not stink, respect her, her friends, and their space; be honest always; follow through in the end.

This has been a public service announcement brought to you by Jordan Burnett. 

Me and My Cuban

NPR Interview with a Single Dad/Deejay

Today, we are interviewing someone I have known for 10 years now. I met him when he was still in high school. He was a ladies man who carried himself in a way that girls flocked to him. Though in getting to know him, I found him to be so much more. He is kind-hearted, funny, smart, ambitious, driven. Later on I found out he is also a good dad, brother, friend, and also loves his mama. He is a single dad to 3 kiddos, a deejay, and is also currently writing a book.

He has been very kind to me in times where all I needed was someone to be there for me and others weren't. He is a good guy and I am grateful to call him my friend.

So today I introduce my friend and now blog partner as he joins No Pants Required as an author, Jordan Burnett.

NPR: Jordan, thanks for being on No Pants Required today! How are things going for you?

JB: Thank you for the great introduction and the time for this interview. I'm doing quite well as much as I can be. Pretty tired but that's to be expected.

NPR: Tell everyone a bit about yourself - favorite color, song, movie, age, etc. We want to hear it all! Lol

JB: My name is Jordan Burnett and I recently turned 28 even though I feel 50. My favorite color is any shade of blue but I feel baby blue brings out my handsome side. As far as movies it would have to be Notorious, which is about Biggie Smalls. I don't know what it is but watching the movie about your favorite rapper being murdered will kind of jerk some tears. If there are any more questions - I would be happy to answer them to my best abilities. I'm an open book and I'm very audacious about everything I say and do. That's the thing about being me; I don't bite my tongue because it hurts too much.

NPR: What is your favorite spare time thing to do to keep yourself busy?

JB: I play in the city volleyball league. We haven't won the championship yet but the team is the 3-year defending 2nd place champs. “Just The Tip” is our team name. Plus the kid’s friends can tell you we throw the best and most bomb sleepovers.

NPR: Describe your "perfect" day:

JB: Perfect day? That's a hard one. It would have to be waking up to my kids not fighting, a clean house and having a relaxing day by the grill with my family. Beer will definitely have to be involved.

NPR: What is the theme song to the movie of your life?

JB: That's easy, Legit Ballers by Speedknot Mobsters. The songs starts out by how the person is living with guilt of all the bad he has done. But that's just how his surroundings are. Second verse explains how he is trying to better himself without leaving the people behind that helped him make his money and protected him. The last verse is finally making it out of that situation, and being able to show off his money and accomplishments without having to worry about going to jail. Everyone where I'm from isn't clean but I feel that I made it out without having to look over my shoulder.

NPR: What is on your playlist while you drive around?

JB: Everyday I get in the car I have to listen to Gold Link by Crew - just to have my gangster lean going. After I mellowed out a bit I usually switch it up to some Pimp C by Ugk. Usually my phone is on shuffle and I never know what's coming up next. It can vary from Cigar by Pink Floyd to Bang Your Head by Quiet Riot.

NPR: Who is someone you look up to?

JB: To be honest my older brother. He has always been there for me even though we didn't see each other throughout our teenage years, we still held that great bond and I have seen him accomplish everything he has set his mind to. From starting and running a record label to graduating college when he hated school. He is an amazing human being and I love him.

NPR: Given the choice of anyone in the world, dead or alive, who would you want to share a drink with?

JB: It would definitely have to be my grandfather on my dad's side. My grandfather was murdered by his wife, which was not my grandmother when my dad was only 13. The last thing my dad told him was he never wanted to see him again and he can live his life without him. The same night my grandfather was woken up by the bullets of a double barrel shotgun going into his chest over some drugs, money and diamonds that weren't delivered in a timely fashion. My only question to him would be was how did you get started in that life?

NPR: What is your greatest accomplishment?

JB: To be honest it hasn't happened yet. Every night I’m kept up with so many ideas. I feel that I could possibly come up with something to help humanity or just do something to change somebody's life.  Seeing my kids succeed would definitely be a great accomplishment to me. The biggest one in the future I would like to see all of my kids graduate and be amazing people, and nothing like their dad.

NPR: What is an event that changed you forever?

JB: Being a father at such an early age my kids changed me. The biggest I would have to say is seeing my two-year-old almost die. It was time for bed and she wanted to watch my movie with me. So I told her to go get her sippy cup from her room. Next thing I know there was a huge crash from her room. I ran down the hallway and there was my 2-year-old daughter knocked unconscious by a 127-pound TV that fell 4 feet from the air. That definitely changed my whole outlook on everything I wasn't sure if she was going to make it for a week and a half. She was in a coma but she made it through and now she is almost 10-years-old and number one ranked in her class - can't get any better than that.

NPR: So you're a single dad, how do you balance home life, work life, and a social life?

JB: Home life is easy - I'm a big kid myself so when I have the Saturdays or Sundays off I will just sit and watch cartoons in the morning, eating cereal running around in our PJs doing nothing. That's literally the best thing ever. My son and my daughters are some unique CHARACTERS. Kailen is the oldest daughter and she acts like everyone's mama. No matter if it's me her sister or her little brother. As far as my work life I feel I work too much I feel like I never get to see my kids even though I do there's a big side of me that feels I could spend a lot more time with them even though I don't miss out on programs or anything with my oldest. The things I do miss out on are special events with my middle daughter that I only get to see a few times a year. I'm sure she feels sad but we did have a great heart to heart last time we saw each other and I try to make her understand as much as I could. I love her to the farthest galaxy and back. As far as social life, I really don't have one if I'm not working then I'm with my kids. If I'm not with my kids I'm working. I only get to go out maybe 3 times a year. Rally, Halloween, and St. Patrick's day. That's when I get to break out my kilt and have some fun.

NPR: Do you believe in the saying "it takes a village to raise kids"?

JB: It definitely does. I'm just one person and I've learned that you can't do everything on your own. I do have some friends I met since moving to South Dakota that will take my kids and love them as much as I do. Their mother isn't too much involved considering that the situation she's in but I have plenty of positive women influences in their life to where they get the both the best of both worlds. They get the strong dad at home and they also get the loving and comfort women from my best friends Crystal, Jeanny and my stepmother Josie oh and of course they just can't get enough of their Aunt Kelly at all.

NPR: As a dad with a couple girls, do you find yourself enjoying doing their hair, painting their nails, and all those other "girl" activities?

JB: Having two girls is definitely a life changer. Having to learn how to braid and do hair at 18. Painting nails? I still suck at that. I can't do a manicure to save my life but they deal with it and they're happy that Dad can do it at all. My oldest daughter's passion is being a girly-girl; I have to do her hair every morning before school. My middle daughter loves any type of physical sports, which I can get behind that for sure. If they ever need to learn how to get their dance moves down I can teach them, which brings a type of joy to me and also watching them fight their boy cousins makes me smile too knowing that my daughter's can keep up with the boys in my family.

NPR: Where do you see yourself in 10 or 20 years?

JB: As far as 10 years from now, I really hope that my kids are successful and that I'm somewhere relaxing in a big house, letting them live off me, and enjoying life as much as I can. In 20 years I just want to be an amazing grandfather so I can just hope to be like my dad. As grandpa if it comes down to it, it’s nothing for him to grab the PlayStation 4 controllers and school his grandson's on Tekken 5.

NPR: What drew you to deejaying?

JB: Just a love for the music. I have a uncle, Fuzzy Barber that had an amazing group back in the sixties and seventies and he has also taught my brother how to play the piano. He showed my brother and I the ropes of how to play the trumpet also. My music range varies from opera, rock, R&B, hip-hop and because of living in a small country towns, bluegrass to country. I like to hear how people's minds work differently. How they put certain notes to certain tones and certain rhythms with vocal variations mixed to make some amazing music.

NPR: Is it something you would like to make a long-term career out of?

JB: I really can't think of anything this long-term concerning music. it just changes so rapidly so fast that as soon as you feel like you have a grip on one type of genre it will do a complete 360 on you. It changes every day and it's something that we've seen since old Negro spirituals to Edm. But, the love I have for my music I can definitely see trickling down to my kids. Everyday when I take them to school the music will go from Taylor Swift to Kendrick Lamar to Kane Brown to Florida Georgia Line. Just a variation and if I can keep that going through my bloodline I guess you can call that long term.

NPR: Is this the direction you saw yourself going?

JB: Not really, to be honest. When I was in middle school, I was doing pre-law classes and extra stuff like that. When I hit high school I wanted to be a lawyer right out of the gate. Being a defense attorney was something I always felt I could be good at. When I was a teenager with my two older brothers the way we would get our groundings lifted faster was to present a good case to my mom. For example: when she caught us with a pack of cigarettes we would present to her the reasons we wouldn't smoke again and if we got to go to a party we will be better kids for the next month. I would also draw up petitions too.

 We would get worse punishments if we broke our bond rules. She would always tell us she was the judge the jury and prosecutor, if you could change my mom's mind you could definitely go far. After getting in trouble and realizing my family could never pay for law school I leaned towards psychology. I won a lot of cases with my mother so I figured if I could present a good case and change her mind with certain persuasions that psychology might have been my way to go. I was on my last semester when my daughter had her accident and I had to drop out of school.

NPR: Do you get nervous before you do a DJ gig?

JB: Not at all I was born in 1990 so all the music from that era on up until about 2015 was a great time to play and produce music. I literally follow that guideline and I'll start off of with Rump Shaker by Wreckx-n-Effect and ending with G-Eazy No Limit, which gets the crowd going crazy the whole time. The difference between the DJ’s now and me is that they will play some music with not one slow song. I don't get what it is with guys now days in my generation. Guys now will watch the girl that they want to talk to dance with her friends all night and then try to approach them when the club is closing. When I was in the skating rink or at school dances if I saw a girl that I liked I would talk to her and ask her to dance. No matter what the social standing, if you thought you were a nerd or not a popular person when the lights went dim and the music started playing, I just went for it. I have deejayed a lot and these guys nowadays just sit and watch and then get disappointed when the girl doesn't want to talk to him after the club closes. I guarantee if I had seen a girl that I thought was cute then I'll catch her when dilemma by Nelly and Kelly come on. Put my smooth dance moves on her just to see what was going to happen at the end of the night. Also when I go out I'm requesting songs for the DJ to play. When I see a dance floor empty I request songs that will have the dance floor full from the time I walk into the club until the time I leave. So even if I'm not working I still am. Don't give me the aux cord either because I will take over the music duties all night.

NPR: So you have started a book, tell us a bit about the premise of it:

JB: The book is about my father, my oldest brother and me dealing with the same type of circumstances that we all have been through. It starts off with my dad in the 1970s then shoots over to my brother in the 1990s then going to me in the mid 90s. We never thought we would have to deal with some of the same things. But all three of us have dealt with everything but had three different ways of handling it. My dad was a pimp, drug dealer, hustler, and fighter and my brother and I did the same things. Just showing how some cycles can be broken and some can't. Just because of the bloodline you have some tendencies can't be broken. For the most part it's a autobiography but some of its fiction because of statute of limitations. Almost all the names have been changed besides some of our fallen friends.

NPR: Are you enjoying getting all of the words down?

JB: It is fun to get the history of my dad, getting to know who he was before I was born. Then how the person you're so much alike has a different mindset because he's older and handles things differently. In a full circle it's pretty much all the same and it cracks us all up when we hang out and talk about stuff have almost the same outcome from different timeframes.

NPR: Any words of wisdom you'd like to share with our audience?

JB: It might sound cliché but really enjoy everyday to the fullest. I live every single day like I have no idea what tomorrow will bring and it's funny most people don't have fun in their life. What's a life with no fun? You haven't lived if you haven't taken a chance, falling back, taking a loss and then coming back 10 times stronger. There's nothing like sitting back in your house in your recliner or taking a drive just thinking that you're a totally different person from what you were just last year.

NPR: Thank you for doing this interview for me today! Good luck in all you are doing and also thank you for being a good friend to me, I am grateful!

JB: Of course anything for you, this friendship is over a decade old, so whatever you need I will always be here. Once again thank you for your time.