Before I started writing this I asked 25 different women about their experiences on online dating. Surprisingly, all of them said they hated it. The age range of these women ranged from 21-57 - I figured 21 would be a nice age to ask since it’s the legal age to get into club/bars.
I asked all of them the same questions: "Have you ever dated online? Do you prefer it to dating IRL? Would you rather have a dude slide into your DMs or approach you in person?" Every one of them told me they would rather a man talk to them in person as opposed to online. It seemed strange to me that everyone is on some sort of online dating site. But to be honest I have never tried and or attempted it myself. I feel that guys are at a disadvantage in that situation. Things can often be taken out of context when the tone of voice or the way something is said can’t be heard only read.
I came up with a few ideas that might help men approach women the way that would make them feel more comfortable without pressure. So here we go:
The first and most important thing is preparation for the night - it starts with your shower. Nothing can boost your confidence more than having a hot steamy shower. The things I have learned throughout the years is that a lavender body wash helps keep your skin moisturized while also accenting your cologne for up to 12 hours. What also helps is to use a moisturizing lotion after your shower. Don’t be afraid to use a deodorant that might not be for men, they have some that don’t smell super feminine and sometimes have better protection than a men’s does. Do not overdo the cologne. You only need one MAYBE two squirts of it for it to have an effect.
Next comes your clothing choices. A good confidence booster is to choose clothing that’s clean, fits your body properly, and will express your individuality. Some ideas could be jeans and a simple tee shirt with a pair of flashy kicks or a button up with a pair of glasses (even fake ones) to make you look educated. Don’t overdo it with jewelry or hair gel/hairspray.
The next thing is to take the time to educate yourself on what women might like to talk about, yes not all women are alike, so make sure you are listening to her more than you are speaking about yourself. It helps you not look like an asshole and she will appreciate it, trust me. Speak to her as you would want someone to talk to your grandma, mama, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, or any other valuable lady in your life. If you have no respect for women, then you either need to get a handle on that or you need to just not date at all.
Work on your manners, they are very important in a situation where you are approaching a woman in a public setting. Do not, I repeat do not approach her in a dark parking lot whether she is with friends or not. Under no circumstance will she want to get to know you then. Back to manners, “please” and “thank you” are important - “excuse me” goes a long way, especially if you might accidentally or even on purpose interrupt a conversation she is having with her people. Opening doors for her is significant, but make sure you didn’t just follow her to the bathroom and open that door for her, cause that is just plain creepy. Another thing to think about is not touching her in any fashion unless she initiates with the first touch. But, keep your shit PG until she has made it known she would like it to go further and BY GOD if she shoves you away or says “no” or “stop” or anything like that back the fuck off right then and there no matter how you feel about it. Do not shame her for this either, she is just following how she is feeling at that moment. If she handles it poorly and starts talking shit then just turn and walk away calmly, do not at all get into a confrontation with her or anyone she is with.
Compliment her. BUT do not use words like hot, pretty, sexy or anything like that. Use words like beautiful and breathtaking by all means please don’t overuse any terms, because then it starts to borderline creepy and fake. Once you’ve had a bit of time talking to her, you can use terms like smart and kind. Most women like to her nice things but when you use them too much it doesn’t have the same effect. But, make sure you are finding ways to compliment her still.
Posture can go a long way. Stand up straight and walk like you have confidence even if you don’t. The majority of women I know like a man who is put together no matter what the pieces are.
If you can dance, you can use it to your advantage. The most complaints I have heard is when a guy walks behind a woman and then swings their hips in unison. Yes, this seems to be a go-to move to keep a woman close. But, after that song, there definitely has to be some kind of switch up in the movements. Most of the time she will send her friends the distress signal and it will be game over from there. You do not have to be able to dance to still have some fun though. One of my female friends said to me that sometimes when a guy just gets out there is having a good time and it shows, then how he dances doesn’t matter.
A sense of humor can go a long way too. Make sure not to spend the whole time cracking jokes - having moments of seriousness is important too. You want her to know you can be funny because humor is important, but women enjoy a man who can speak on things that are more important - maybe not politics or religion but other things like books you’ve read (a lot of women like a man who is well-read), hobbies/interests (especially if they are the same as her), and so many other things.
In the case that a one-night stand happens (make sure she isn’t drunk and she has said yes) you need to be aware at all times. Also, consider her friends - you don’t want her to ditch her friends so make sure you let them know where you will be just in case they need her or she needs them. Do not drink a lot yourself either. Make sure you are reading her body language and also what she is saying even once the act has started if she says no then stop right then and there and do not do anything else at all. Be honest. Talk about what will happen after the act, if all you want is a one night stand, tell her - be as upfront as possible. If you are looking to try for more, you might not go for sex the first night. Try to not take her back to your place or go back to her place - there are so many things that can happen if you know where she lives or she knows where you live. Look into getting a hotel room. Bring your A game to the bedroom always, but don’t overdo it either. You don’t want to show out but you do want to make sure it is pleasurable. Take care of her first, always. Women want to feel important, even in a one night stand.One of the most important details of any sexual encounter is USE PROTECTION always. Birth control does not keep you from getting STDs and is only about 70% effective against pregnancy. I will say this very slowly… the… pull… out… method… does… not… work! Lastly, expect her to sleep there that night too, if she doesn’t that’s fine too (pay for her cab) but still expect it. If she does stay make sure you pay for her breakfast or order room service. There is nothing wrong with being a gentleman when it is one night stand, you always want the woman to feel comfortable and safe.
At the end of the night or the next morning, exchange numbers if that is something you both want to do. If you have been honest with her then she won’t expect a number if it was a one night stand but if you’ve discussed friends with benefits, just friends, or dating then a number exchange is good and make sure you follow up with her within 24 hours. In text, say something witty (but not pretentious) as soon as you are not in the same place just so she knows you are still thinking about your encounter but do not text her over and over until she answers. Just give her time to get back to you. If you call her give her time to get home and cleaned up after being out all night and into the morning or if you didn’t hook up then call her the next day around noon just in case she sleeps in.
In closing, act right - use your manners; do not stink, respect her, her friends, and their space; be honest always; follow through in the end.
This has been a public service announcement brought to you by Jordan Burnett.
This has been a public service announcement brought to you by Jordan Burnett.
 |
| Me and My Cuban |
No comments:
Post a Comment